


Housebreaking the Devil

by Sanoiro



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Christmas Lights on the Devil, Deckerstar Network Christmas 2017, F/M, Family, Humour, Tumblr Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13160835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanoiro/pseuds/Sanoiro
Summary: It’s the season of the heart-warming Christmas cheer yet Lucifer doesn’t really get it. What he does get is deals, so a hilarious Devil housebreaking begins just in time for Christmas.





	Housebreaking the Devil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luxxiiee](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=luxxiiee).



 

## Housebreaking the Devil

* * *

 

 

Dragging a six-two feet blue spruce by herself just three days before Christmas had not been the plan. All the green firs were gone by the time Chloe had given up on reminding Maze that a tree was actually _needed_ for the holidays and took upon her the task of finding one. There were of course none in the wider area by the time she had actually tried to find one. The only upturn at some point was that the seller had persuaded her that blue spruces were supposed to be lighter that green firs.

 _'They bloody well weren’t.'_ She thought, mocking once again her partner's British accent. 

Three steps forward with a half a second puffing and huffing had been the best she could do with the plastic cord digging in her already bruised flesh. Taking a long moment to rest she set her hands on her aching back and swore silently on everyone who had bolted their merry way today and out of this chore.

Maze had claimed a San Diego bounty which would mean she would appear again around the New Years something that suited Chloe's schedule just fine. Then there was Lucifer who for the past few weeks was following the Lieutenant like a moonstruck teen. That alone had Ella wither quietly in her lab with the blinds closed.

Lucifer’s persistence to shadow Marcus was expected by most to raise another yell out of their mild-mannered boss, however oddly enough that never happened. red-Hence why she was no longer surprised when her partner, in name only nowadays, had disappeared from the precinct around noon.

Wrapping the slippery cord around her wrist once more Chloe lastly damned her Ex. Dan was one of the reasons she had found herself with a tree to carry, an almost Ex to inexplicably mourn and of course a teenage crush on her superior at work.

An Ex who was currently calling her, no doubt in order to get off his babysitting duty and who was lucky enough to have a possible romantic relationship to freely pursue this Christmas.

“I’m almost at the door, with a tree and-“

“Where is Trixie?!” He demanded in alarm, his fingertips coming to a total stop. Fingertips drumming on the wheel meant that he was at a stakeout. 

“Not with me and I assume and _hope_ not with you either! Where is she, Dan?” She fumed over the line, finally reaching for her keys. The final steps towards her door had seemed more effortless than before.

“Pierce sent me to a stakeout and assigned her to Lucifer around noon.” Dan sheepishly admitted, and Chloe would have sworn he was scratching the back of his neck nervously.

Moments like this she hated Lucifer's correct perception over Dan.

“Lucifer has gone rogue more times than I can count this month and you send him to pick _our_ child from school?”

Rubbing the edge of her left eyebrow soothingly around the socket of her eyes, she prayed for the best possible outcome although all bets were off where Lucifer was concerned lately.

“You were supposed to be home around _two_ , and it’s almost nine, whose fault is that?” He sighed in defeat as they both knew she would skin him alive or better yet have Maze do it, _slowly!_

“Pierce’s.”

“Marcus’”

They replied at the same time while she unlocked the door. The silence that followed was certainly a bad omen as she could hear his thick swallow from the other side of the line.

“Since when he is _Marcus_?” Dan questioned her carefully.

_‘Damn it!’_

“You know what Chloe? I don’t want to know. Not tonight.”

She knew he still cared but how could she reply when she wasn’t quite sure herself of that very answer.

Lucifer had been Lucifer since day one, the obnoxious yet charming asshole who she was honoured to call partner until they almost got together. After that, he had changed. He had become distant and yet clingy. Marcus had come shortly after, and things slowly changed once again.

The light in the living room had her exhale in relief which before she could convey it to Dan, Chloe heard her daughter dutifully repeating the same phrase.

"Le aseguro, oficial, que jamás las he visto antes.¡Esas _no_ son mis maletas! Le aseguro, oficial, que jamás las he visto antes.¡Esas _no_ son mis maletas!”

“Again! Honestly, officer, I've never seen them before. These are _not_ my suitcases!” Lucifer requested from the little girl.

“Le aseguro, oficial, que jamás las he visto antes.¡Esas _no_ son mis maletas!” Trixie delivered more passionately than before.

“Good!” The man said slurping what it sounded to be one of her daughter’s apple juice boxes. That explained why her kitchen storage stock of these was diminishing so quickly lately. Thank God she was buying them in bulk.

Gently Chloe removed her shoes and barely closed the door in order to not alert the duo in the house with any passing cold drift. Trixie had taken her mother’s promise to deliver a Christmas tree today by heart as Chloe saw everything littered on the floor. She had managed to find and take down, obviously with Lucifer’s help, all the Christmas decorations and ornaments. 

“Extortion.” Lucifer supplied and took a bite from the half-eaten box of pizza which was laid on the coffee table.

“Extorsión.” Trixie replied swirling around Lucifer to untangle the various Christmas lights she took off the nearest plastic box. 

Divorce meant that last year Chloe had to use her Mother’s decorations and now with their own apartment, the half a dozen lights she and Dan had bought over the years on their child’s demand were now hanging over Lucifer’s lean frame.

The ones which were already untangled and out of the box were plugged and tested on Lucifer. His neck and arms were glimmering in various colours as he ate undisturbed his pizza slice.

“Blackmail.” Lucifer said passing a clean paper towel to the child after sweeping his own hands off any residue.

“Chantaje.”

“With your mouth closed Dear. I don’t want any dairy byproduct on my green vest, thank you!” He scolded pointing the square paper towel he had just given her.

“Splendid! Now... Tengo nueve años. ¡No puedo se me puede considerar culpable de ningún acto penal! I am nine years old I cannot be held criminally responsible!” Roll-waving his hand Lucifer urged the girl to get on with it.

“Tengo nueve años. ¡No puedo se me puede considerar culpable de ningún acto penal!” The child replied with a winning dimple smile. A bit too winning for Chloe's taste. 

“Chloe!” Dan’s voice broke the easy-going atmosphere between the man and the child and she was left with two pairs of dark eyes turning sharply towards the door in surprise.

“If you would give me a moment. Yes, Dan?” Chloe cleared the throat turning her back to her daughter who was stealing two more pizza slices and a suspiciously reddening Lucifer.

“Is our kid involved in an upscale drug smuggling?” The nervousness in Dan’s voice was justified as was her biting her thumb’s nail.

“We cannot rule out anything. I’ll call you back.” With obvious uneasiness, she turned back to her daughter and Lucifer who appeared as if they had been caught red-handed.

Trixie was chewing with difficulty as much as she could from her slices while Lucifer had tried to remove the rhythmically blinking lights with no real success. If anything he had tangled them tightly around his torso and lower back. 

“Trixie. Lucifer. We have been over the rules, but I feel like we should go over them again.” With a tight smile, she counted everything hazardous to either of them but decided to begin with the obvious.

“Trixie no more than three pizza slices for you. Lucifer do not get plugged _in_ or _on_ anything you cannot get out without help.”

Her daughter nodded furiously, mouth still chewing the remains of two slices of who knows how many. Lucifer, on the other hand, stood defeated and rather _colourful_.

In times like this Chloe really hated him for his pose and ability to remain so captivating even after being partly trimmed for the holidays.

“And now what applies to both of you. No borrowing, no smuggling, no alcohol, knives, swings, marshmallows or _duct tape_. You _know_ what I’m talking about!” She clipped at the conspiratorial look that passed between her partner and her child.

Tommy had been the last kid at Trixie’s school to attempt bullying her daughter. Rumors had been spread, but there was nothing to prove, nothing aside from Lucifer paying back Maze for some industrial duct tape he had apparently nicked once upon a Tuesday, a few months ago. She had considered herself being prudent over her refusal to not dig for more details over that incident.

“Finally nothing that contains sugar without my supervision.” Both faces fell before dark brown eyes glinted dangerously.

Chloe had to control their chocolate intake for her work and home life to be run as smoothly as possible.

Now how an adult could run a sugar high and crush at the precinct evidence room, she would never know. Well, that had been an uncomfortable talk with the Lieutenant after Lucifer had found the remains of her birthday cake in the predict's fridge. Not to mention that Marcus’ Nutella jars kept disappearing at an alarming speed whenever Lucifer was in one of his sour moods.

“Detective, I’m sure we can find a middle ground with a deal or something…” Lucifer honey-dipped voice rumbled a bit too deliciously for her overworked state. 

“That’s what got us into this mess! When will you _ever_ learn!” Trixie snapped at him for the first time in her mother’s presence taking both adults by surprise.

“ _Your_ horrid accent got us into this mess child- _Dear_!” Lucifer reprimanded offended by the mere notion he was responsible for whatever situation her daughter and he were in at the moment.

“You little lady, manners and _you_ , explain!” Chloe flicked her fingers on Lucifer’s sparkly decorated shoulder making him wince and rub the place that she had just abused.

“The homeroom teacher wants your child to improve her Spanish accent.” Lucifer sighed dramatically putting all the blame on Trixie who was currently glaring at him, hands crossed but not before she plugged two more bright lights that were hung from his neck.

Effectively blinded the man chocked a _‘Bloody hell’_ and Trixie stepped in front of him to clarify what had actually happened earlier that day.

“He spiked the teacher’s lounge eggnog! Ms Lucia got a bit...  _funny_ and was speaking in her native _Puerto Rican_ accent.”

“You spiked the eggnog? The school's _alcohol-free_ eggnog?” Pinching her nose, Chloe raised her eyes upwards trying to lock her hands in place. Stabilizing the tree would be a piece of cake if Lucifer’s antics had gone too far.

“In the name of the holiday's spirit Detective!” He argued brushing a hand over his hair with the lights forming a halo behind his head. A rather fitting _red_  halo.

Now _that_ brought back memories... 

“You don’t believe in Christmas Lucifer!” Chloe moaned over the ongoing conversation that she had started with Lucifer since the first Christmas display was revealed Downtown in the late November.

“I believe in _it_ but I do not understand what’s all the fuss is about. Wrong date, wrong season, wrong!” He concluded pointing the scattered ornaments and decorations around him.

“Ms Lucia was _not_ pleased when he told her… Nor when he called me spawn. He could have dropped it _but_ -” The child lamented drinking her juice in a disturbing resemblance of how Lucifer nursed his flask sometimes.

“So I argued about the whole thing in Spanish!” Lucifer said pleased with himself as if that explained everything.

“In _her_ native accent which had her screaming over why I sound Mexicana when I have a Puerto Rican _Daddy_. To which he almost choked with a raisin.” Trixie shook her head at the silliness of the whole situation, and Lucifer’s rolled his eyes.

“I thought it was a melting chocolate chip from the cookie _you_ gave me! Anyhow, I tried to explain that I was certainly _not_ the spawns Daddy! And I was called rude! Can you believe it? _Rude!_ ” Lucifer huffed sharing an understanding look with the child who shrugged at the absurdity of Mc Lucia’s claims.

“And then she told me that my Mummy and I should housebreak Lucifer, or he will leave, but he is not a puppy!” Her daughter broke into laughter.

“To which I informed her _politely_ that I was not going _anywhere_ , but nonetheless I was partial to collars.” Lucifer smugly concluded.

Trixie’s eyebrows frowned and turned to her mother.

“I didn’t understand _that_ one.” She admitted, eager to let her mother know what had led them eventually to this point. Lucifer was ready to explain in detail before Chloe raised her hand to stop him.

“Don’t you _dare_. All of this does not explain why you train my daughter on how to smuggle things around or why she is too young to be charged.” Chloe was feeling tired. Oh so very tired.

“I have to teach her my Puerto Rican accent if I ever want to pick her up again. Problem is I tend to use the mob's teaching method. Quick and to the point.” Lucifer petulantly told her trying to feign indifference but failing miserably.

“And Lucifer has to call me nice names only while I teach him what Christmas is all about. It was a deal _he_ made.” Her daughter explained showing her mother how she had managed to fit five Christmas lights on Lucifer’s still pristine clothes.

“Did you mean that?” Chloe uttered with difficulty the words. 

There were no promises from him, and there had never been any. He was lost, but a part of her was adamant about holding on to him. Foolish but undeniably deeply rooted within her.

“It’s just an accent Detective. I think I can manage.” He grinned now relaxed under her tired slate gaze.

“There is a tree outside. It needs to be set up, watered, trimmed. Will you two manage?” She asked her daughter which was already sprinting to the door.

“As long as you don’t mind keeping me around for a little bit longer.” Unbuttoning his cufflinks, he set them next to the remote and went on to help Trixie bring the tree inside.

Getting to the kitchen to make a strong tea brew, Chloe enjoyed watching the unlikely pair struggle over the blue spruce. She would never understand him, and sometimes she had wondered if _her_ words at the beach were true or they had faded as his attention towards her had. 

Would she forgive all of his mistakes? Was she the one capable of granting him the redemption he needed but always said he didn’t want?

There was no answer to be given only a trail of blue spruce needles left behind. No longer limited and bound by the illusions of time, responsibilities and character, in that room, there was Lucifer, Trixie, herself including the tree so she would hold on to that.

On her daughter, to the false magic of the Christmas tree and in an unexplainable way Chloe would always hold on Lucifer Morningstar.

He was her difficult life journey. The one that always led her closer to home for which she would always be thankful. That was enough for now. He had to be enough for now. He was.

Thank God, _he was_. 

 

**The End**

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> The Deckerstar Network Christmas Exchange @thedeckerstarnetwork 
> 
> For @luxxiiee
> 
> Prompt: Placebo - Hold on to me


End file.
